06-24-2013, 05:10 AM
(06-24-2013, 05:03 AM)milo Wrote:Shit milo, I was in love...have you no soul?(06-20-2013, 08:23 PM)tectak Wrote: Play the violin again;I see it was written in 1992, when every poem had a "sigh" and that was ok, when "thin air" could survive in poems that weren't parodies - Kurt Cobain was a rock hero for god's sake!!
let hands that flit so lightly
slip a sigh.
Fold forward into flesch
and scoop the ecstasy;
sweep low to bow
to music’s tempting ways.
Your tender notes will soothe the strings,
I rise on softly wafting wings
in air so thin, bells scarcely ring,
but there I hear the sky.
Tectak
1992
"so lightly", "so thin" - meh
"to bow to music" is one to too many (being 2 but of course preceded by into)
"I rise on softly wafting wings"? this is Jeffrey Osbourne not pearl Jam!
I like your newer stuff better but you wouldn't want to read anything I wrote in '92, that much is certain!

