06-22-2013, 01:15 AM
(06-20-2013, 08:23 PM)tectak Wrote: Play the violin again; <<< ok, you got the semi in. Cute!
let hands that flit so lightly
slip a sigh. <<< it's good but ... well, nuttin.
Fold forward into flesch << i see no obvious reason for double space. You will know why it is needed here.
and scoop the ecstasy; << scoop? Not easy. the violonist scoops the ecstasy of whom? Her's, the auditory's?
sweep low to bow <<< double space, see above.
to music’s tempting ways.<<< slightly cliché ("tempting ways". Come on. ;-) )
Your tender notes will soothe the strings, <<< tender and soothe! Ouch!
I rise on softly wafting wings << I am mild: tender - soothe -- softly ... ;-)
in air so thin, bells scarcely ring, <<< Nope! Sorry, Friend. ;-)
but there I hear the sky. <<< good!
Tectak
1992 <<< ecce poeta! ;-)
all in all: finely exphrastic*.
cheers
serge, man's drunken thinker
oh: F-lesch: big BIG F, no? ;-) Keep on rockin.
---
* was tempted to write: ex-phrastic, but let's not overdo the Greek.
pps.: let's hands that flit so lightly is superbious.