Ligawan

[billy]

Thanks this is the kind of comment/critique I truly need. It's been weeks trying to figure out what's wrong with this poem.

I hope you don't mind, but cam you elaborate on the 5th
line, "from your half-pressed lips. this line feels awkward" for the sake of note taking Thank you

is the air blowing out
from your half-pressed lips.

what are her lips pressed against or on, each other? the glass? would from your pursed lips have read better. or something else. jmo.

glad to see yo can accept a comment