Couch Potato

[Leanne]

This is a really enjoyable journey into pop culture, with some nice social commentary running (!) through it.

To be out of shape is to run circles. -- great opening line
When you jog miles after months as couch potato,
breathing = wheezing, -- could probably do without the comma here
and your body is a Syrian rebellion:
brain's full of furtive tweets hinting reconciliation, -- could go with "brain full of/ lactic acid a muscle..." just for economy
lactic acid is a muscle culling chemical weapon,
feet and toenails threaten sectarian bloodshed.
Meanwhile, each hill is a climb to Mordor
which every passing car laconically scales...... -- should probably be "that", not "which"... and only three dots in an ellipsis... no pause is that big

Please God, let me rest and breathe and sweat buckets -- deliberate cliche? If so, fine, but otherwise I'm sure you know what I'd suggest
and twist my arms to my hips
and thrust my head to the sun
in a slow, Jagger-like strut -- probably don't need "slow" here, it's implied
towards the cool, shady woods
where I can faceplant the dirt
and inhale it 'till I'm dizzy -- 'til or till
and make there a home out of twigs and brush. -- love the closing image but not so keen on this inverted syntax: "make there a home" -- it's the only place you use it and it's just odd