"This is our world as we know it"

[billy]

a lot to like about the poem. some good images that bring the earth to life. that make it more than the sum of it's parts. the 3rd line has some problems but nothing serious. what i do like is how you wrote about both sides, some good and some bad aspects of what we are.

thanks for the read.

This is how the world breathes:
Heavy and even, ebbing away stardust
Expelling gusts so strong, chilling would [strong gusts] work better
The universe shivers a really solid open. stanza, i like how it sort of says the universe is scared of what we've become/are

This is how the world sleeps:
Pulling across the blanket of darkness
Sewing together pockets of sun lovely line good image
The night spreads

This is how the world hates:
Without reason or motive
In chains, in cells, in schoolyards
A child cries

This is how the world loves:
Passionately, like waves kissing shore
Forces of nature, fire lusting earth
The flowers grow

This is how the world dies:
Choked in the black from factories
Pocked, cracked, scarred from wars
By the human hand cliche; a suggestion would be [the woman starves]...or some such to have it in keeping with the first two stanza end lines.

This is how we are:
Imperfect, scattered across maps
Our actions pulse like footsteps
Forever coloring this world. [this] feels forced. why not [our] or [the]