This is how the world breathes:
Heavy and even, ebbing away stardust
Expelling gusts so strong, chilling
The universe shivers

This is how the world sleeps:
Pulling across the blanket of darkness
Sewing together pockets of sun
The night spreads

This is how the world hates:
Without reason or motive
In chains, in cells, in schoolyards
A child cries

This is how the world loves:
Passionately, like waves kissing shore
Forces of nature, fire lusting earth
The flowers grow

This is how the world dies:
Choked in the black from factories
Pocked, cracked, scarred from wars
By the human hand

This is how we are:
Imperfect, scattered across maps
Our actions pulse like footsteps
Forever coloring this world.

I very much so like this poem. It seems all too familiar though. I'm not too sure if I have seen a poem like this before or that I too have these sames thoughts. Either way, it was a refreshing read.

great poem
"This is our world as we know it"

This is how the world breathes:
Heavy and even, ebbing away stardust
Expelling gusts so strong, chilling
The universe shivers

This is how the world sleeps:
Pulling across the blanket of darkness
Sewing together pockets of sun
The night spreads needs comma or period

This is how the world hates:
Without reason or motive
In chains, in cells, in schoolyards
A child cries ahh when do i stop! (.)

This is how the world loves:
Passionately, like waves kissing shore
Forces of nature, fire lusting earth
The flowers grow

This is how the world dies:
Choked in the black from factories
Pocked, cracked, scarred from wars
By the human hand

This is how we are:
Imperfect, scattered across maps
Our actions pulse like footsteps
Forever coloring this world.


man is like the universe?
hate the universe?

maybe

(06-12-2013, 01:39 AM)ellz483 Wrote:  This is how the world breathes:
Heavy and even, ebbing away stardust
Expelling gusts so strong, chilling
The universe shivers

This is how the world sleeps:
Pulling across the blanket of darkness
Sewing together pockets of sun
The night spreads

This is how the world hates:
Without reason or motive
In chains, in cells, in schoolyards
A child cries

This is how the world loves:
Passionately, like waves kissing shore
Forces of nature, fire lusting earth
The flowers grow

This is how the world dies:
Choked in the black from factories
Pocked, cracked, scarred from wars
By the human hand

This is how we are:
Imperfect, scattered across maps
Our actions pulse like footsteps
Forever coloring this world.

Hey, this is all pretty good! THere are some instances where you "tell" even when the reader can figure it out (by the human hand) and some vagueness (forces of nature, fire lusting earth) but some great spots too:

the world breathes heavy and even expelling stardust
sewing together pockets of sun
pulse like footsteps
etc.

Thanks for posting

milo

a lot to like about the poem. some good images that bring the earth to life. that make it more than the sum of it's parts. the 3rd line has some problems but nothing serious. what i do like is how you wrote about both sides, some good and some bad aspects of what we are.

thanks for the read.

(06-12-2013, 01:39 AM)ellz483 Wrote:  This is how the world breathes:
Heavy and even, ebbing away stardust
Expelling gusts so strong, chilling would [strong gusts] work better
The universe shivers a really solid open. stanza, i like how it sort of says the universe is scared of what we've become/are

This is how the world sleeps:
Pulling across the blanket of darkness
Sewing together pockets of sun lovely line good image
The night spreads

This is how the world hates:
Without reason or motive
In chains, in cells, in schoolyards
A child cries

This is how the world loves:
Passionately, like waves kissing shore
Forces of nature, fire lusting earth
The flowers grow

This is how the world dies:
Choked in the black from factories
Pocked, cracked, scarred from wars
By the human hand cliche; a suggestion would be [the woman starves]...or some such to have it in keeping with the first two stanza end lines.

This is how we are:
Imperfect, scattered across maps
Our actions pulse like footsteps
Forever coloring this world. [this] feels forced. why not [our] or [the]

The first two verses create a sense of a poem which regards nature and the universe away from human influence, so it comes as a shock when you start bringing up hate and schoolyards, but shock isn't such a bad thing. Some of your lines have real beauty, even if some individual images - like L3 of S3 ("in chains, in cells") - may be a bit too simple. The last stanza is my favourite, because it creates in a quietly but stunningly beautiful way the impression of countless human ambitions, completely unaware of each other, scattered across an indifferent world. Thank you very mcuh for the read

I like how you give the Earth human qualities and your strong use of metaphor and simile to convey these same feelings. The mood of humans match the moods of the Earth. Good Poem.