06-10-2013, 06:16 AM
(06-10-2013, 06:10 AM)milo Wrote:.....about this carrot. Is it a metaphorical carrot or would you still be pleased to see me carrotless?(06-10-2013, 12:29 AM)Zerric Wrote: O how I dream of raven tresses,It is mostly pretty good, you have managed to establish a meter and stick to it for 9 lines. The ninth line you could easily fix with something like "of demon whispers in my ear" or something.
Soft brown eyes that leave me breathless,
Angelic hands, and dainty feet,
A smile like sunshine, bringing me
Light in the darkness of my heart,
A love so pure, with no regard,
Of the demons who whisper in my ears,
O! How I hold this lass so dear!
I was kinda going for a little archaic feel in the poem...
tectak

