Fertile Words

[Brownlie]

Running along side mountains
my childhood was free,
for me.
Sun kissed
brown face born from
Africa,
heart of the womb.
Mother,
you are my land, future,
my hope...
to read fertile words and
rich stories of playing in trees.
Mother said
Amen
be unafraid and unashamed
to run alongside mountains
while the sun is at your crown.

I would trim 'for me'
Sun kissed is cliche
I see someone mentioned 'heart of the womb' already
The elipsis comes across as disjointed and doesn't cover up the weird grammar of 'my hope to read . . .'
I think you have a good idea for a poem here, maybe restructure your lines with a thought toward natural language and grammar

Thanks for posting, good luck with it

You might just be the essence of Post Modern Milo On one hand your quoting Chomsky on the other your gettting sucked off in trailer parks... Sorry philo