06-07-2013, 05:24 AM
(06-06-2013, 02:45 PM)philoinlove Wrote: Running along side mountainsAll in all, a pretty good poem! Just try to work on the flow a little more.
my childhood was free,
for me. The line break here is just a bit awkward
Sun kissed
brown face born from
Africa,
heart of the womb.
Mother,
you are my land, future, Consider adding "my" in front of "future", it may help the flow a bit.
my hope...
to read fertile words and It's kinda hard to tell who the speaker is starting from here. Maybe you could add quotation marks or something to indicate which lines are the mother's words.
rich stories of playing in trees.
Mother said
Amen
be unafraid and unashamed
to run alongside mountains
while the sun is at your crown.
