06-03-2013, 09:48 PM
I don't have much else to say that everyone else hasn't - though I do agree that it needs condensing, but you've been given lots of tips on how to do that.
You need to introduce some kind of punctation into it - you put capital letters at the start of where you want a new sentence, but don't put a full stop at the end It doesn't work so well.
You need to introduce some kind of punctation into it - you put capital letters at the start of where you want a new sentence, but don't put a full stop at the end It doesn't work so well.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)