06-01-2013, 02:41 AM
Everyone’s an artist, I don't know if it is a cliche, but it sounds like one to me
snug inside their sheets.
Awakened by our sleeping minds,
subconscious finds its feet.
Dancing like a plastic bag
caught in a gust of wind,
expanding like a child’s balloon
unfolding from within.
Fragmented dreams
when you were young, I don't think you need the comma
still linger to this day.
Inside the mind
grand paintings hung, Same here
forgotten smiles you’ve saved.
I like it altogether, I think it's really sweet and vivid. If you were to change something, I'd make it a bit longer - add a stanza or two about memories or such.
snug inside their sheets.
Awakened by our sleeping minds,
subconscious finds its feet.
Dancing like a plastic bag
caught in a gust of wind,
expanding like a child’s balloon
unfolding from within.
Fragmented dreams
when you were young, I don't think you need the comma
still linger to this day.
Inside the mind
grand paintings hung, Same here
forgotten smiles you’ve saved.
I like it altogether, I think it's really sweet and vivid. If you were to change something, I'd make it a bit longer - add a stanza or two about memories or such.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)