05-29-2013, 04:03 PM
Hello Mat,
As a dedication to a friend, this is beautifully written with all your sincere emotions and admiration and loss well expressed. However, if you want it critiqued as a poem, I could not but agree with Cidermaid, we the reader don't feel the way you do, we cannot empathize as we do not know the person, just the written words to be critiqued in regards to the ways of poetry thus, would find this work overtly expressed, too many cliches it would sound like a hallmark card.
Thank you for sharing though and with my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.
WW
As a dedication to a friend, this is beautifully written with all your sincere emotions and admiration and loss well expressed. However, if you want it critiqued as a poem, I could not but agree with Cidermaid, we the reader don't feel the way you do, we cannot empathize as we do not know the person, just the written words to be critiqued in regards to the ways of poetry thus, would find this work overtly expressed, too many cliches it would sound like a hallmark card.
Thank you for sharing though and with my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.
WW