The Reasoning

[Wildcard]

If only it rhymed...this is perfect as a concept. C'mon mark. Give in to effort. This is GOOD.

Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback

Do you mind telling me why it needs to rhyme? Also, what does 'give in to effort' mean?

Cheers

I think you need to look at your line breaks and where you put them, they don't really add to the flow of the poem.
Also, I think it might be more effective as one stanza, maybe add some punctuation.
I really like the first two lines, I think they're very strong.

I'll look at the line breaks. Thanks for your advice.

I think it's ok but would like to see more rhythm and flow and some rhyming, but good subject matter.

Again, I don't feel it should rhyme, but maybe that is just me. Cheers for the thoughts.

There seem to be several sexual connotations, the interplay between hostility and closeness are perfect.

Yes, thanks for affirming that connection.

Thanks for the kind words.

great to see 3 newbs dropping some feedback in.

Isn't it? What a good bunch you've got here now. I'm very impressed with what I've seen for all the new members.

maybe the title could say just a bit more. i'm getting an incredulous feeling as to why she stays. on the other hand there's a sexist put down of the woman that works within the way a lot of guys are with women. it asks questions, i'd like to see an odd answer. even a rhetorical one. that said, the poem isn't bad, i enjoyed the read. it's great that you're managing to get some poetry in. ")

The title, I can agree needs work. 'The Real Reason I love You' seems to give away too much though so I'll stick with this till I think of something else.

I actually had to fly to Washington so I wrote this on the flight-- first time I have spent 6 hours without a PC in a while :p

because you are just opinionated enough is just needed? the line feels like a stronger opener without it. if you want to use it would it be better as Just because yo....?

I think it is necessary because if she were any more strong willed then he couldn't abide her in his scheme of things-- she is just opinionated enough-- no more no less . . . regardless I'll think about it.

for being dumb enough to fuck with me do you mean fuck you or mess about with you? while i question the fact, i do like the ambiguity of it

Both.

That's why I slid 'on top' up there by itself.

like any real lover would not sure this line works because it doesn't feel true. any real lover would surely tell the truth?

Keep in mind that it isn't what is real to the reader in this case, but from this guy's perspective a 'real' lover wouldn't be so honest knowing it hurts so much. I don't really care that much if I give too much away in this one because it is like a story to me-- kind of a dream I had on the plane.

Thank you so much-- we think very differently and so your feedback always gives me a lot to think about.
Cheers boss.