last breath after coma.

[Bunx]

ok, sorry about the videos i put on here. i thought i put them in the music section. i apologize though

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Billy, why? haha this is just for fun. i have not put anything I did for AP English on here. Most of the things I have posted on here on exercises to get better at la poetry. i don't take this very seriously unless someone drops my Dad's name/the creator of facebook.om

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serge/tect thanks for the help and the comments. lol the fact that you know my dads name is alright with me.

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I did know that! i saw them live and missoula, as well as mogwai!

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(First) Breath after coma.


Breathe;
one last timefull stop
You're awake now.

"Doctor, what's the time?"

You're fading, Alicefull stop
I won't ever see
us again.huh? Us?...but maybe subtle

"Time is irrelevant.Why the quotes? Is this narrative? Who says it?
Alice is off
to the land of
the undead."

it is ok.Capital letter to start a sentence
Your just offYOU'RE. YOUR is possesive as in YOUR POEM
to wonderland.
You're alright.

"DOCTOR WE GOT A BREATH!"

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hmm how bouts this one tect? i took you're suggestions and added us!

Much, much, much better!
This is now expressive.
So am I.
Sorry.
Best,
tectak

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tom/mild crit only please.

I tried billy, believe me I tried. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I'm going back to serious!


Mind you, he seemed to like it

Best,
tectak

Here is this
(First) Breath after coma.


Breathe.
one last time,
You're awake now.

"Doctor, what's the time?"

You're fading Alice
I won't ever see
You again.

"Time is irrelevant
Alice; is off,
to the land of
the undead."

It's ok.
Your just off
to wonderland.
You're alright.

"DOCTOR WE GOT A BREATH!"