last breath after coma.

[tectak]

I did know that! i saw them live and missoula, as well as mogwai!

---

(First) Breath after coma.


Breathe;
one last timefull stop
You're awake now.

"Doctor, what's the time?"

You're fading, Alicefull stop
I won't ever see
us again.huh? Us?...but maybe subtle

"Time is irrelevant.Why the quotes? Is this narrative? Who says it?
Alice is off
to the land of
the undead."

it is ok.Capital letter to start a sentence
Your just offYOU'RE. YOUR is possesive as in YOUR POEM
to wonderland.
You're alright.

"DOCTOR WE GOT A BREATH!"

---

hmm how bouts this one tect? i took you're suggestions and added us!

Much, much, much better!
This is now expressive.
So am I.
Sorry.
Best,
tectak

---

tom/mild crit only please.

I tried billy, believe me I tried. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I'm going back to serious!


Mind you, he seemed to like it

Best,
tectak