Untitled Poem

[mao]

This is really the first poem I've ever written -- aside from some embarrassing stuff I would have written as a teenager. Was sitting in the park today and the first stanza came to mind, so I wrote it out real quick. Criticism is very much appreciated. No title because I can't do titles in general.

edit: I posted this in "mild critique" really because the poem is a first draft and not polished. But don't be at all sparing in any criticisms you have.


Oh ghost! sing me your sorry song
with speed, for I must go ere long;
Do let me hear with bated breath
of deeds of men, of strife, of death.

"Was fast by here," that ghost did say,
"Where battle shook that awful day,
Where leagues of rough souls did depart,
Where grace found home in no man's heart.

"Oft had I heard such scenes unfold
in tales to frighten meek or bold,
yet to no glory did we climb,
ne'er of our names will voices chime.

"The purple banners long retired,
Gen'rals' eyes showed not Ares' fire;
was mud and men and death and me:
bards' songs impart not clemency.

"Believe not what the epics tell,
in them you hear not pain's harsh yell;
They're fit for only childrens' ears
and not to drive grown men to tears."