05-14-2013, 01:56 AM
Sorry if I was a little harsh...especially if English is a second language to you. Anyway...keep the parts you want to keep...that's just my opinion...but check grammar...
EDIT:
papery thin ----> paper thin (seems small, but it should be like this)
also if you use 'memories' instead of 'my memory', it might get your point across better...
And you first use 'solid concrete slabs' then 'papery thin' seems a bit disconnected in imagery.
EDIT:
papery thin ----> paper thin (seems small, but it should be like this)
also if you use 'memories' instead of 'my memory', it might get your point across better...
And you first use 'solid concrete slabs' then 'papery thin' seems a bit disconnected in imagery.