Pot-Holes

[Zerric]

As I sit here doesn't seem to be needed...if you remove this you could bring uneven onto the previous line. i.e. My mind stumbles...
My mind stubling through the un- stumbling, and i'm not sure you should split uneven like that
even solid concrete slabs of my memory; your mind is stumbling through solid slabs?

I try to grasp their papery thin form. should be paper thin, your only comparing the thinness of paper, right? can't use both papery and thin together
I try to gaze at the shape of paint,
on this ash eaten, fading canvas.ash eaten? ash doesn't "eat" anything. ash stains...it doesn't consume, so ash eaten doesn't sound right. you could use ashen

Here it comes. The flame. The pepper shaker.
The monsoon, with dry rain that leaves you even more thirsty. Dry rain? really? If you've ever been in a monsoon, you'll NEVER describe it as dry rain. I'm guessing this is some sort of metaphor your using to compare fire to...
Burning, dotting, dreamily washing away the canvas.

One thousand times I've dreamed,I like this thousand dreams part but the past tense of dream is dreamt
and I've seen, heard, felt you. So ghostly real. again with the contradiction. you could get away with this i guess, but think about using something like transient. or fleetingly, or something
One thousand times I've heaved,
and beamed that, for a twinkling, I could artificially feel. you've beamed it?? what does that even mean? and you've beamed it for a twinkling...seriously, make sure you have the right meaning of words b4 putting them in...

One more, now cracked, slab slips into nothingness,
the holed path between now and that day,
that which bids my feet to forget their burning pain.