(slight edit)Three Haiku
#5
(05-13-2013, 12:34 PM)billy Wrote:  
(05-13-2013, 11:35 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  
Springtide aromas,
Peach Blossom, freshly cut grass,
petrol lawnmower.
solid, and clever, i wasn't expecting the modern touch, well done

Unexpected breeze
whips up a dusty frenzy
amid the Tulips.
whips is more senryu i think, creates would be suggest (maybe i'm being too picky Sad ) the last line has more than one meaning and makes a great cut.

Three small Chaffinches
perched on the fence, listen to
my guitar playing.
enjambment is usually only used before the cut and not as a poetic device as it seems to be here, (a suggest would be

Three small Chaffinches
listen while perched on the fence
i play my guitar)

you're getting really good at capturing the image AR enjoyed the three of them (they were pretty cool Big Grin)
thanks billy,
and thanks for info on enjambment, I wasn't aware of that so its good to know. These are actually the first new ones that I've wrote to post on here, all the others were written last year, but I seemed to have learnt so much in the past two weeks about them.
I posted a few of Richard Wright haikus on the modernism and imagism fight, I mean thread. 1st page
Thanks again for the pointers, much appreciated.
AR
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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Messages In This Thread
(slight edit)Three Haiku - by Magpie - 05-13-2013, 11:35 AM
RE: Three Haiku - by Brownlie - 05-13-2013, 11:59 AM
RE: Three Haiku - by Magpie - 05-13-2013, 12:13 PM
RE: Three Haiku - by billy - 05-13-2013, 12:34 PM
RE: Three Haiku - by Magpie - 05-13-2013, 12:46 PM
RE: (slight edit)Three Haiku - by Magpie - 05-13-2013, 05:01 PM
RE: (slight edit)Three Haiku - by Volaticus - 05-14-2013, 03:58 AM
RE: (slight edit)Three Haiku - by Magpie - 05-14-2013, 07:37 AM



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