05-13-2013, 12:46 PM
(05-13-2013, 12:34 PM)billy Wrote:thanks billy,(05-13-2013, 11:35 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:you're getting really good at capturing the image AR enjoyed the three of them (they were pretty coolSpringtide aromas,
Peach Blossom, freshly cut grass,
petrol lawnmower.
solid, and clever, i wasn't expecting the modern touch, well done
Unexpected breeze
whips up a dusty frenzy
amid the Tulips.
whips is more senryu i think, creates would be suggest (maybe i'm being too picky) the last line has more than one meaning and makes a great cut.
Three small Chaffinches
perched on the fence, listen to
my guitar playing.
enjambment is usually only used before the cut and not as a poetic device as it seems to be here, (a suggest would be
Three small Chaffinches
listen while perched on the fence
i play my guitar)
)
and thanks for info on enjambment, I wasn't aware of that so its good to know. These are actually the first new ones that I've wrote to post on here, all the others were written last year, but I seemed to have learnt so much in the past two weeks about them.
I posted a few of Richard Wright haikus on the modernism and imagism fight, I mean thread. 1st page
Thanks again for the pointers, much appreciated.
AR
wae aye man ye radgie

) the last line has more than one meaning and makes a great cut.
)