the poem;
lightening hits the ground thunder is a noise that is made in air.
the 1st stanza feels weak in that it feels off the point. what vicious look?
what is meant by dragged and distracted? at present the poem has very little glue holding it together. things like 'the bones tremble' are overly dramatic. bewrae cliche like 'you are scared to death' use some images and the poem will get better. while we'll help with the english as much as we can, we're not english teachers. in places it shows through as a 2nd or 3rd language. i'd suggest doing some english lessons in tandem with the poetry
lightening hits the ground thunder is a noise that is made in air.
the 1st stanza feels weak in that it feels off the point. what vicious look?
what is meant by dragged and distracted? at present the poem has very little glue holding it together. things like 'the bones tremble' are overly dramatic. bewrae cliche like 'you are scared to death' use some images and the poem will get better. while we'll help with the english as much as we can, we're not english teachers. in places it shows through as a 2nd or 3rd language. i'd suggest doing some english lessons in tandem with the poetry
(05-11-2013, 01:20 AM)dusboss Wrote: At every beginning the flashes appear
The vicious look makes you go for it
Dragged and distracted
You have no thoughts left in mind
Suddenly the sky crushes on you
Chills have crawled underneath the skin
The bones tremble
You are fascinated by it's dark beauty
Hope patiently rises
Thoughts are coming back
Trembles and shakes are real
The thunder hits the ground
Confusion grows
You are scared to death
Sound of wind's blows disappears
Straight from nowhere emotions erupt