05-11-2013, 05:03 AM
Hi dusboss,
There is something in this poem that I really like, certain parts of it do conjure up very strong images. I've also just read your other poem and the comments and your replies, so I have great respect that you are writing poetry in a different language. So that said, I won't be too critical about spelling and grammar. I do think that the poem would be improved with punctuation, because then you could control the flow of how you want it to be read.
The 3rd line of the first stanza stands out with its alliteration, meaning the two words with beginning with the letter 'd', "dragged and distracted", very good. Although I wouldn't use 'dragged' again like you have done in the second stanza. Also the second last line of the poem is very confusing, am not quite sure what you meant perhaps "Cold winds disappear" there wouldn't be an apostrophe on winds.
But I really do get what you were trying to portray, and all those little faults will get better as you write more. If you were to post this poem in mild critique then people would possibly go through it line by line, and this would benefit you a lot.
But all in all I am very impressed and as I said before, I respect you for writing in a foreign language.
Thanks for the read, hope that this will be of some help.
All the best.
AR
There is something in this poem that I really like, certain parts of it do conjure up very strong images. I've also just read your other poem and the comments and your replies, so I have great respect that you are writing poetry in a different language. So that said, I won't be too critical about spelling and grammar. I do think that the poem would be improved with punctuation, because then you could control the flow of how you want it to be read.
The 3rd line of the first stanza stands out with its alliteration, meaning the two words with beginning with the letter 'd', "dragged and distracted", very good. Although I wouldn't use 'dragged' again like you have done in the second stanza. Also the second last line of the poem is very confusing, am not quite sure what you meant perhaps "Cold winds disappear" there wouldn't be an apostrophe on winds.
But I really do get what you were trying to portray, and all those little faults will get better as you write more. If you were to post this poem in mild critique then people would possibly go through it line by line, and this would benefit you a lot.
But all in all I am very impressed and as I said before, I respect you for writing in a foreign language.
Thanks for the read, hope that this will be of some help.
All the best.
AR
wae aye man ye radgie