The Parting

[tectak]

Hi pilgrim, good to see you posting in serious. I will put aside my prejudices for now regarding linguine lines. Poetry made long by making thin predisposes me to harshness which I am trying to overcome Line by line.See you at the end.
The Parting

I dreamt last night
of fearfulness
and separation …As an opener it is stark but apposite...and I like that. The scene is set. Martin Luther King used the same technique
so long ago,
so renascent Renascent is a good word choice. In this context it could easily be stretched a little to imply an upsurging of old emotions. Is this the dream-emotion which stays around incongrously and taints the waking hours? I ask only because I am uncertain over the two "in" words following. What is the in ...er...in?
in sadness,
in regret.

There was
faint music
from a distant room – Drop the dash. Its use us limited and prefers a partner. I must mention the problem of rhythm dictated by line breaks. We are riding a horse here, where the flow would be better served by drifting languidly along in a coracle. I am still in a dream-like frame of mind so feel the indecent haste of the form. That is all.
no symphony
nor madrigal
nor fugue,
but sweet-remembered
fragments
of a peasant song....very nice stuff...but I am reading this with deliberate avoidance of your short line idiosyncracies. Not everyone would be this considerate.
from infants’ school;
and young frau Rosenbaum,
substantial in her girth
and in her kindnesses,
who stood her ground
protectively
when noisily they came
to rid the school
of vermin,
so they said; A bit of a torn bag here. Everything came tumbling out and some of your "they"'s got mixed up with some of your semicolons,colons,commas. A little too hard to read.
and cursed her then,
and when she would not yield:
Fat Jew they yelled
and roughed her
to the trucks
Treblinka-bound;
while I, dry-eyed and unaware,
though yet in parting’s thrall,
waved mute goodbye
until she disappeared. Yes. Over and inaccurately punctuated for sure. Needs looking at

Awakened then,
to darkness and remorse,
I wept a silent tear
for our parting. Rushed ending which could have been poignant
Liked it.
best,
tectak