05-07-2013, 11:36 PM
Hey Heslopian, thank you for your comments. I have taken a lot of your advice. I had a couple questions. First, I was thinking of replacing S3 L4 with "as if we were journeying into a grave," thoughts? Second, there seems to be a miscommunication that happens in stanzas 9 and 10. I was trying to describe the characters realizing there is a waterfall up ahead (S9) and that ultimately leads them to conclude the pearl probably fell off the waterfall as well (S10). Is that poorly communicated at the end of the poem? Also, I would appreciate your general opinion on this: I was trying to show that the characters were initially living life above the water but in order to survive longer they gave up the livelihood around them and searched the river for a mythical pearl. The rocks and branches are suppose to be God's attempts at drawing the characters back to the surface where the point of life really is but instead the people view them as "hindrances." Then at the end I was trying to show that the river was actually evil and its intent was to have people search it for a pearl their whole life so that they could be thrown over the waterfall unknowingly. Is that inferable from the way the poem is written currently? Sorry for the many questions but thank you for your help!