05-06-2013, 11:49 PM
Hi,
I am a newbie and I don't even know if I am suppose to be posting on these poems, but I liked this one and had a few comments especially after reading the awesome critiques of others. First, I may be simple-minded in that I figured right off you were describing a real woman in the poem, and as I progressed through the first two stanzas, it seemed unlikely that a physical church or place could encompass all you described. Instead, I read it as a woman who reminds you of the faith that once was (first stanza) and also a purer love for God strangulated by current practices (second stanza). I really liked the phrase "restored to You" and the ancient door reference; I had the image of a woman solely devoted to her perception of God in light of whatever is the current accepted notion of Him. Second, the third stanza confused me slightly when you said "THIS secular Sodom." It made me feel you were separated from her at the time, as if she was violently removed from you or something of the sort. But I had to conclude I was wrong about that interpretation because there was no further explanation of your current separation from her. Ultimately, if you are separated from her and it feels like Sodom, some more description or a better transition could be used. Last, I was a little thrown by the phrasing "Grace dances through her eyes." The tortured martyr addition reminds me of Stephen's face shining while he forgives the people stoning him. I don't know if that was a similar scene you were trying to portray. But I didn't know if you meant when your eyes meet hers grace passes to you in a dancing fashion, or if you meant when you look at her you can see through her eyes into her soul and you see grace dancing there. Overall, I think it was magnificent work of art that really shows a man reflecting on being in a love triangle between the woman of his dreams, himself and God. Thanks for letting me read!
I am a newbie and I don't even know if I am suppose to be posting on these poems, but I liked this one and had a few comments especially after reading the awesome critiques of others. First, I may be simple-minded in that I figured right off you were describing a real woman in the poem, and as I progressed through the first two stanzas, it seemed unlikely that a physical church or place could encompass all you described. Instead, I read it as a woman who reminds you of the faith that once was (first stanza) and also a purer love for God strangulated by current practices (second stanza). I really liked the phrase "restored to You" and the ancient door reference; I had the image of a woman solely devoted to her perception of God in light of whatever is the current accepted notion of Him. Second, the third stanza confused me slightly when you said "THIS secular Sodom." It made me feel you were separated from her at the time, as if she was violently removed from you or something of the sort. But I had to conclude I was wrong about that interpretation because there was no further explanation of your current separation from her. Ultimately, if you are separated from her and it feels like Sodom, some more description or a better transition could be used. Last, I was a little thrown by the phrasing "Grace dances through her eyes." The tortured martyr addition reminds me of Stephen's face shining while he forgives the people stoning him. I don't know if that was a similar scene you were trying to portray. But I didn't know if you meant when your eyes meet hers grace passes to you in a dancing fashion, or if you meant when you look at her you can see through her eyes into her soul and you see grace dancing there. Overall, I think it was magnificent work of art that really shows a man reflecting on being in a love triangle between the woman of his dreams, himself and God. Thanks for letting me read!