04-26-2013, 10:37 AM
This is something I very recently written, and hopefully it's better than my previous works. While writing this I considered all the advice I've been given on my previous posts, so this should be more pleasing to read. However, I do believe there is much room to improve (ending seems weak to me, for instance) so here it is:
Brain Wash (not sure about the title)
blaring car horns
blind my eyes so
I only feel the rush
of a monumental sound
like a train would
as I'm bounded to the tracks
obscuring my senses
I sit with an audience
and lights dimmed low
consoling music hums
sweeping my thought
a Speaker now persistent
from the hierarchical stage
“we are united, believe
in me I have the power”
no more blinding horns
to take my sight
now I awake with law
binding only life
Brain Wash (not sure about the title)
blaring car horns
blind my eyes so
I only feel the rush
of a monumental sound
like a train would
as I'm bounded to the tracks
obscuring my senses
I sit with an audience
and lights dimmed low
consoling music hums
sweeping my thought
a Speaker now persistent
from the hierarchical stage
“we are united, believe
in me I have the power”
no more blinding horns
to take my sight
now I awake with law
binding only life