hi buck, first off, great to see you giving feedback else where, feedback is our life blood almost as much as the poetry is. 
your poem;
the poem makes me think of kurt wenner but only because he's the only street artist i know
it's tight, and i'm sure some will say overly so, but it works for me. i think some of the word choices could be stronger with such a poem. begging instead of hopeful, requesting instead of expecting, resides instead of waits,
you could play around with the form to possibly improve on what you already have.
thanks for the read.
your poem;
the poem makes me think of kurt wenner but only because he's the only street artist i know
it's tight, and i'm sure some will say overly so, but it works for me. i think some of the word choices could be stronger with such a poem. begging instead of hopeful, requesting instead of expecting, resides instead of waits,you could play around with the form to possibly improve on what you already have.
thanks for the read.
(04-23-2013, 10:08 AM)Buck Wrote: Confident pastels
attack
virgin asphalt.
A hopeful jar
waits
near the canvas,
expecting
pocket change,
rarely gaining
satisfaction.
Intrigued children
tug
parents’ coattails, cliche. a suggestion would be to move parents up to the previous line and remove coattails ending up with tug parents
attempting
to elicit interest
for their newfound is newfound an americanism?
amusement.
Never finished, the
now colorful is now needed?
patch of pavement
bleeds
with the passion
of its artist. would a name of an artist to make it more personal.