Pride

[heslopian]

PRIDE

From memory's dawn I have known I love the phrase "memory's dawn"; it conveys so much in such a subtle way.
Feelings to be ploys; I was shone
The guile of joy; but I could not quell "Guile of joy" is another neat phrase, though I'd question how something abstract like "guile" can be "shone". I'm sure that's just me nit-picking though.
These passions far too strong to tell.

In childhood I endured alone;
My counsel came from my own throne; The word "throne" feels like it was added to force an awkward rhyme with "alone". The metaphor in this line doesn't feel natural.
While others danced, I watched and sighed;
And all I loved I loved inside. The rhyme of "sighed" and "inside" IS natural, I think, and it sounds very good.

When veterans returned with pride
I marked with shame how I denied
The wars I fought, the scars I hide--
For all I fought I fought inside. This is an excellent last verse, not least because the rhythm and rhymes are absolutely perfectly constructed.

My one big problem with the poem is that the narrator seems a little bit self-absorbed and narcissistic; that could be rectified by talking more about his relationships to the world and people around him, even if they are marked by awkwardness and isolation. Though, as this poem is called Pride, maybe the narcissism was intentional. All critique is JMHO, and thank you for the read