Time of our Lives edit 2.

[heslopian]

Time of our Lives edit 1.5, milo. Is this better? I snuck in another edit to gegengewicht milo

Bruised blue and broken veined, the corpse of failed incursions
lies between two worlds. Belief made grief the penalty
and unclaimed sand the prize; there are no losers.
Death is paradise by promise, or your heaven is not real.
Where lies the greater difference? We die to live again
or we die to live no more. We choose the road to misery,
yet cry when we are lost. The body, holding high the head
of cranial delusions, leaks brine born tears from blood and bone; Should "born" have an "e" on the end in this context?
piss, bile and sweat from sainted souls. There is no virtue, though.
For sinners, thieves and sodomists, sanguine slaughterers of State,
the creeping killers in the night, and all the foment of the failed
who lunge and strike with knife to heart and boot to skull;
with these shared mortal blocks they fabricate themselves.
A flag held proud and hoist on shanks of calcium...is just a flag;
perhaps the Colours change, but the cloth is all the same.
What differs then, in this short term, when by our nature
we permit kings and gods to make false claims to reverence?
Only this. When ends the shift, each battered body lies alone.
We take no sides, we do not have such will; we only think we care.
We may well be one: but there is a still battle all must fight to lose.
Death is one world, and life the other. We all fall in between.
tectak
2013

This is an almost perfect poem, impossibly rich with ideas, philosophising and deep poignancy. I tremble to critique it, but I will suggest that you add more of a narrative thrust, and images, metaphors etc. What I mean is that, though each line is exquisitely carved, they don't evoke much of a sense of place or person, and there's no real thread from beginning to end. It's all discussion.
This is JMHO, of course, and as I've said the poem is almost perfect. It details ideas and stirs emotions with a skillful attention to sentence structure and syntax. Some poems I read on this and other poetry sites are gramatically and structurally loose; this one's airtight. Thank you for the read