04-07-2013, 10:16 PM
Thank you for the reply, I appreciate the comments - and will re-evaluate.
(Milo) I'd like to explain that the lack of grammar and the use of punctuation all contribute to the flow of the piece as it is in my mind, and the "abstract" form is for a swift, fleeting read.
A number of the cliches you pointed out are necessary in my opinion - after all, something wouldn't become cliche if it wasn't of any relevance at some point in time. The quandary* of "eventually, or is it suddenly?" refers to a the issue seeming to just happen, but to have been present subconsciously for a long time, so it's not so much a question to the reader as it is to the speaker itself.
Then lastly, I put the poem in the forum for serious critique for this specific reason. Comments of your nature are what I needed, and I don't think I would've gotten them in the mild/novice forums.
Thanks again.
(Milo) I'd like to explain that the lack of grammar and the use of punctuation all contribute to the flow of the piece as it is in my mind, and the "abstract" form is for a swift, fleeting read.
A number of the cliches you pointed out are necessary in my opinion - after all, something wouldn't become cliche if it wasn't of any relevance at some point in time. The quandary* of "eventually, or is it suddenly?" refers to a the issue seeming to just happen, but to have been present subconsciously for a long time, so it's not so much a question to the reader as it is to the speaker itself.
Then lastly, I put the poem in the forum for serious critique for this specific reason. Comments of your nature are what I needed, and I don't think I would've gotten them in the mild/novice forums.
Thanks again.