The Perpetual Plight of Being

[milo]

forward moving - backward thinking
young minds burdened
thoughts? imprisoned.

I can't see any reason for the haphazard line breaks, the lack of any discernible grammar, or the punctuation. You have squeezed more cliches in a few short lines than I would have thought possible. (sealed fate, backward thinking, burdened thoughts)

fate: sealed.

flying, flying! There is no discernible narrator or voice here
falling?

fallen.

but time passes, cliche

runs out - cliche
and the
stars that burn the cliche, trite and twee
brightest
fall so fast
and
pass
you
by.

- the odyssey of existence
deemed
but a futile plight cliche

and so
eventually, or is it suddenly? the reader cannot answer this quandry
the heart once
determined, demanding...
is bruised, broken, bare - cliche, cliche, cliche

and yet

you’re still searching,
but
plunging further into cliche
darkness,
searching, searching
sinking

sunk,

throat burning
of words
unsaid,
adventure
ignored,
seconds
neglected -
- and then?

relief.

alas,

moments, memories,
me,
gone.

There are so many cliches in this string of unintelligible, grammar-less, randomly line-broken words it comes across not as poetry but as chopped up thoughts that might "sound" poetic but instead come across as hopelessly abstract.

Sorry I don't have much positive to say, this might be better suited to the "novice" or "mild" critical forums.

cheers

milo