Privilege

[DoReMi]

Thanks for your feedback justcloudy. I think, for me the idea that the woman would have to explain her motives for honestly answering a question is the problem that prompted the poem. I don't know what she was thinking in the real story, but I don't think it's something that ought to be explained. It's a thing that happens, and there shouldn't be any stigma or surprise attached to someone saying it happened to them. The "why?" is the narrator's privilege speaking (and I'm not that sympathetic to that!). Henna's a pretty common Asian name, I believe. Not so rare or unusual where I work!

I really appreciate your thoughts and your time. I will definitely look at your other two suggestions - restructuring may be necessary!

it does work better like this, nice job.

a few points:
--something that isn't quite clear in this incarnation is WHY she said it, but I'm not sure if that'd just be distracting. your call.
--maybe put the fact that she's so young further up, might help the reader understand why it's such a big deal.
--"(not ours)" really isn't necessary, it's pretty clear you're caterers or waiters or something.
--I dunno if those are the people's real names, Henna, Sam and Peter, but for me the two very normal names with a quite unusual one was more distracting than anything.

anyway well done on the edit. thanks for sharing.

-cloudy