03-29-2013, 09:31 AM
the word changes make it flow , the low before placed an image in the mind that contradicted the lamb, now it it doesn't the other word changes work well, though slough held me up.
the new quatrain works better simply because it's simply done.
i'm not struggling with the meter of the 2nd lines any more but wonder if they'd be better were the of a sameness, meter-wise. i pig shit thick when it comes to meter but i still falter on the 2nd lines.
good edit.
the new quatrain works better simply because it's simply done.
i'm not struggling with the meter of the 2nd lines any more but wonder if they'd be better were the of a sameness, meter-wise. i pig shit thick when it comes to meter but i still falter on the 2nd lines.
good edit.