kith

[billy]

forgive me before hand, i'm shite at meter, so what i see probably isn't what i should see i like the way you played with the form, it feels sad, i love the phrase brook of your brow, you use it extremely well in the refrains, i'll stop now in case i start confusing myself.

thanks for the read.

I am not the rook or the crow,
or the intricate brooch at your throat. A feather
to rest in the brook of your brow. i'm left thinking, why a brooch someone's brow?, are these slant rhymes,? i've noticed them elsewhere in the poem (well i would wouldn't i it's a flippin ville) and they work okay.

Your sing steals the wind from the low
that laughs with the broken down lamb. My brother some good sonics with the ow ro ow going on, i'm struggling a bit with the laughs and broken down lamb
I am not the rook or the crow.

Your bones take the crush from the blow
the thick articulate stutter, a stick. Our father
will drown in the brook of your brow. i like the switch i the refrain

We hide away hide away flow
and slough through the muck and the slather. this is part where i see the meter as being off i get the da/dum da/da dum/da buth i see da da da and i'm not sure how to work it out, basically slather doesn't feel right
I am not the rook or the crow

as they wax and they nettle the grow i'm presuming the extra half foot works because of the 5 short feet? it does work but i'm not sure if it should
we loam away quiet, we gather
at peace in the brook of your brow. my favourite verse, it just reads so fluidly and the way the refrain changes gives it a feeling of depth and softness.

So I suitcase away this sorrow
and think that in time it won't matter.
I am not the rook or the crow
to hide in the bough of your brow.

milo