kith

[Leanne]

I am not the rook or the crow, -- the ors are correct, this is a line ball call for the writer to make as nor would also be correct; however, nor would sound less pleasing
or the intricate broach at your throat. A feather -- brooch, unless this is a deliberate pun but I'm not sure that would work
to rest in the brook of your brow. -- unusual to use a sight rhyme in a villanelle, but it definitely works

Your sing steals the wind from the low -- playing with parts of speech can be effective but in my mind I want low to go with cattle -- jury's still out on sing as a noun
that laughs with the broken down lamb. My brother -- a comma here?
I am not the rook or the crow.

Your bones take the crush from the blow -- I think this needs end punctuation
the thick articulate stutter, a stick. Our father
will drown in the brook of your brow.

We hide away hide away flow -- love this line
and slough through the muck and the slather. -- again, not sure about slather as a noun, though I like the near-rhyme
I am not the rook or the crow

as they wax and they nettle the grow
we loam away quiet, we gather -- but I do like loam as a verb, lovely!
at peace in the brook of your brow.

So I suitcase away this sorrow -- I lose the meter here -- sorrow is a feminine ending and it throws the rhymes out quite badly to my ear, I'd suggest replacing it
and think that in time it won't matter. -- think is weak and this line seems a bit of a filler
I am not the rook or the crow
to hide in the bough of your brow.

milo

I love to see people play with grammatical structures and put words in unexpected places -- sometimes they work, sometimes they're just a bit weird but obviously that will depend on the reader and the connotations the reader brings to the text. Your second repetend works in a ghazal-like fashion and this coupled with the asymmetrical lines gives the villanelle a looser structure, which I think is effective in conjunction with your grammatical playfulness. The pastoral images are quite at odds with the disturbed nature of the themes running through this, which again is an interesting effect. Rooks and crows to me are associated with winter, death and battles, but are also guardians. There is a dualistic nature to this entire poem that is worth exploring, and definitely worth many more reads.