03-23-2013, 09:44 PM
Hi softlyfalling (Amy did I read somewhere else?)
I really liked the story / ideas you present here and I aught to really dig this because I have to confess to being a bit of a alliteration junky..But I could just not quite bring myself to say that I love it. (Although I really want to). It just seems to be working too hard and the alliterations are more like and explosion than explored. This has such a lot of good word choices (as always it seems from you) and some lovely images coming through..and it seems that you have kept an excellent grip on the thought progressions and maintained a constant heavenly fire thing going on...see what I mean, I find so much to enjoy and admire in this, but I feel that the alliteration is too much and that to explore this poetic devise...less is defiantly more and will make this smoother and less laboured.
Hope this is of some help...and i really hope that this is one that you continue with i think it will be well worth it.
AJ.
I really liked the story / ideas you present here and I aught to really dig this because I have to confess to being a bit of a alliteration junky..But I could just not quite bring myself to say that I love it. (Although I really want to). It just seems to be working too hard and the alliterations are more like and explosion than explored. This has such a lot of good word choices (as always it seems from you) and some lovely images coming through..and it seems that you have kept an excellent grip on the thought progressions and maintained a constant heavenly fire thing going on...see what I mean, I find so much to enjoy and admire in this, but I feel that the alliteration is too much and that to explore this poetic devise...less is defiantly more and will make this smoother and less laboured.
Hope this is of some help...and i really hope that this is one that you continue with i think it will be well worth it.
AJ.