The fray

[Crepuscule]

Gravelled barking, the relic of seasons,
Of re-rolled fag-ends,
Sodden clothes and super strength.
Indictment and judgement in consecution.

The protest, an awkward swing,
Fist on bewildered jaw.
A graceless arc, bicycle clatter,
The crack of skull on paving stone.

The audience stands shocked,
As dishevelled outcasts drag the accused
From the lifeless, stinking heap.

"Outside Sidney Sussex, please come quick,
I think he might be dead."

I walk on with counterfeit intent.

[mariamuse]

I've never heard the word consecution before, but I know what it means, and I like it.

I like the images, they are strong and evocative. I do find myself wishing instead for somethings more in the content, a point of view, a judgment beyond narrative. There was a fight, and I wish the observer here would just get a little but dirty and tell us why. But maybe that's the point of the last line- he won't, he'll just walk by. That's fine too.

[Mattie]

The imagery stands out like a brick in the face.
Nicely wrote and enjoyed

[newsclippings]

Gravelled barking, the relic of seasons,
Of re-rolled fag-ends,
Sodden clothes and super strength.
Indictment and judgement in consecution.

The protest, an awkward swing,
Fist on bewildered jaw.
A graceless arc, bicycle clatter,
The crack of skull on paving stone.

The audience stands shocked,
As dishevelled outcasts drag the accused
From the lifeless, stinking heap.

"Outside Sidney Sussex, please come quick,
I think he might be dead."

I walk on with counterfeit intent.

As a free verse, this poem stands well on its own. I apologize if I skip a word as I am writing this reply through continuous sneezing.

I have a favorite phrase of yours: "re-rolled fag-ends"

But you've spelled graveled wrong. Also disheveled.

You may want to not use "the" as much. Trim the fat, so to speak.

Thanks for the read.
-S

[rowens]

The scene moves in flashes, and that seems ok to me.

"Indictment and judgement in consecution." That and the last line hold things together. Though sometimes I don't like lines like that.

And those two words aren't spelled wrong.

[Crepuscule]

"Gravelled" & "dishevelled" are regional (UK) variants.

[newsclippings]

Ah you englishmen with your esses for zees and double ells.

[DoReMi]

One quick comment - I like the kind of postmodern observational lack of judgment here, but I think calling the audience "shocked" kind of pulls you out of that. For the rest of the poem you're totally in the head of this observer, and for that line, in calling the audience shocked, you're either departing his head, to figure out what's in theirs, or he's making a judgment about the audience response. Neither really fits. So just that one word, which could be altered to something less emotive!

[Crepuscule]

One quick comment - I like the kind of postmodern observational lack of judgment here, but I think calling the audience "shocked" kind of pulls you out of that. For the rest of the poem you're totally in the head of this observer, and for that line, in calling the audience shocked, you're either departing his head, to figure out what's in theirs, or he's making a judgment about the audience response. Neither really fits. So just that one word, which could be altered to something less emotive!

You may be right. I was kind of embarrassed putting this up for people to criticise and am grateful for the comments. I kind of wish I'd put it in the serious critique forum for a real mauling (can the thread be moved?)

[Leanne]

It can and has

[tectak]

The imagery stands out like a brick in the face.
Nicely wrote and enjoyed

written

---

Gravelled barking, the relic of seasons,
Of re-rolled fag-ends,
Sodden clothes and super strength.
Indictment and judgement in consecution.

The protest, an awkward swing,
Fist on bewildered jaw.
A graceless arc, bicycle clatter,
The crack of skull on paving stone.

The audience stands shocked,
As dishevelled outcasts drag the accused
From the lifeless, stinking heap.

"Outside Sidney Sussex, please come quick,
I think he might be dead."

I walk on with counterfeit intent.

Hi catfish,
A very nice cameo. Some nice obsevation in S1 and the last line. This is one of those "events" that you hear afterwards "...it was all over in seconds". Nonetheless, you put just enough into this to lead this reader in with you. I hope it was not all you COULD put in...no, it seems that you were in control. I only question "dishevelled outcasts" as being, pictorially, not quite aspic...and if it don't gel, it ain't aspic. Help here only.
Best,
tectak