Black, white, cold

[NakedBear]

Are you guys getting snowed on, too? I'm in northern Alberta, Canada, and it's been snowing for freaking week.

The original is in mild... but I guess I'm just aching for some harsher feedback on the revision. =] Any suggestions for titles are welcome, I'm generally terrible with them. Thanks all.


original title: winter in the Midwest


Black, white, cold

Lack of color kills me
slow, cold parasite eating up 'slow' and 'cold' speak of snow to me, which does lack color. But a lack of color is not, in itself, slow or cold, is it? Maybe that's just me. Maybe you could cut lines two and three, so line one stands alone as one stanza?
morale.

Golden sun faded
straining light
blue sky blighted,
diseased and pale.
Both feeble, cannot entwine
and create earth's green
far below. I like this alot

Head weary
midday
I'm left gazing down
at weathered boots
and ground of trampled whites
unpure, sorry browns and greys.

Something tugs inside my ribs. what does? Maybe a bit more hint to the tug's nature could help this (rather dull) reader.

The early creep
of moonlit black
is almost
sweet relief; totally agree. I then have an excuse to close the blinds at last and turn all the lights on.
perhaps the color
is hiding
behind nighttime's
thick mask

as I seek.

The thought is not enough,
curled inside my room
of orange and green and blue
with every light turned on.
I avoid the window's
somber look,
drag my eyes apart ouch. Why would you separate them? They're a pair! 'away' would be less confusing, although it's also much less interesting.
focus on bright screens
and words from people
far away.

I like your poem.

Mikey.