03-22-2013, 12:36 AM
The original is in mild... but I guess I'm just aching for some harsher feedback on the revision. =] Any suggestions for titles are welcome, I'm generally terrible with them. Thanks all.
original title: winter in the Midwest
Black, white, cold
Lack of color kills me
slow, cold parasite eating up
morale.
Golden sun faded
straining light
blue sky blighted,
diseased and pale.
Both feeble, cannot entwine
and create earth's green
far below.
Head weary
midday
I'm left gazing down
at weathered boots
and ground of trampled whites
unpure, sorry browns and greys.
Something tugs inside my ribs.
The early creep
of moonlit black
is almost
sweet relief;
perhaps the color
is hiding
behind nighttime's
thick mask
as I seek.
The thought is not enough,
curled inside my room
of orange and green and blue
with every light turned on.
I avoid the window's
somber look,
drag my eyes apart
focus on bright screens
and words from people
far away.
original title: winter in the Midwest
Black, white, cold
Lack of color kills me
slow, cold parasite eating up
morale.
Golden sun faded
straining light
blue sky blighted,
diseased and pale.
Both feeble, cannot entwine
and create earth's green
far below.
Head weary
midday
I'm left gazing down
at weathered boots
and ground of trampled whites
unpure, sorry browns and greys.
Something tugs inside my ribs.
The early creep
of moonlit black
is almost
sweet relief;
perhaps the color
is hiding
behind nighttime's
thick mask
as I seek.
The thought is not enough,
curled inside my room
of orange and green and blue
with every light turned on.
I avoid the window's
somber look,
drag my eyes apart
focus on bright screens
and words from people
far away.
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.