03-20-2013, 02:02 PM
Hey Rodthegod.
I think your taking a swing at too many topics in this poem. Pick a smaller theme, and be sure the narrator and the object/people he speaks on are fleshed out a bit more. Right now I know very little about the narrator and the person he's speaking to, and it makes it hard to care about either of them.
Pick details which are very specific to them and have immediate bearing on the theme you've picked.
Mikey.
I think your taking a swing at too many topics in this poem. Pick a smaller theme, and be sure the narrator and the object/people he speaks on are fleshed out a bit more. Right now I know very little about the narrator and the person he's speaking to, and it makes it hard to care about either of them.
Pick details which are very specific to them and have immediate bearing on the theme you've picked.
Mikey.