Serious help with writing poems that stay in the lines of the title of the work

[Jaylyn_D_Murray]

I wrote a poem called, "It's Powerful", and I need serious help writing works that pertain to the title.
In this poem I tried making use of symbolism and I DRASTICALLY failed. Does anyone know of anything that can help me become better at this?(I have a couple more questions!)

How do I write rhyming lines that make sense, fit together, or transition end rhymes?
Ex: The perfection of awareness makes me so conscious;
Great senses are flawless?????!(sorry, I can't mess up on purpose!)

How am I supposed to write down the lines of a poem on a page?
I write them like this sometimes:
"I wisked water aside, aside, and farther aside..."
[when the page ends I continue to write my line in the space between the brackets as if it were a sentence]

Okay, the poem!
"It's Powerful"
Lithium, Ion, Infinite Battery-Powered, Sorcery-Proof thing!
The power to create, ameliorate,
And ressurect dead stuff!
Yes! That thing that makes you see water in a desolate bluff!
Ow! Ow!
I think I might just put it down...
Ah! It just burned a hole in the ground!
If you're well past adolescent years,
Act wisely with it, or you'll swell people's fears!
And please,
I advise you don't talk about the samurai space monkeys fighting evil lizards for the love of the earth!
Because, even though they're not sweet..!
Mental hospitals can be made home!
But as long as you're a Picasso of creating mental images,....
The imagination is.....
Powerful!

Please don't make me feel like as much of an idiot as I already am for asking but,
How can one write more "Deep"(meaningful, "connectable", etc.) poems?

It's the only question I feel that scratches the surface of my endless FRUSTRATIONS and SETBACKS with poetry!lol

[newsclippings]

The best you can do is dish it out and have people help you improve.

You can also read up on types of poetry in the flashcards section of this site.

I kind of like this poem because it's original. It needs some help but don't let that deter you. Usually, it's the unique ones that thrive in the poetry niche.

And your first poem is never great. The good news is that people will help you on this site so long as you are willing (and give feedback to others).

I remember when I did my first painting, it was absolute shit. I placed it on wrong, had the wrong order for things and made a whole flurry of idiot rookie mistakes. But with time I got better, and the same goes for poetry (or anything for that matter).

Also the space monkeys thing reminds me of Fight Club (I can recite that movie entirely, don't ask).

Good luck,
-S

[Todd]

Jaylyn, I know this answer isn't comforting, but writing poetry is like anything else you want to master in that it takes time and work.

I've been going at it for over twenty years. I'm still learning and improving. I hope to keep doing that until dementia sets in, and I can start over.

To get better start reading a lot of poetry. Find poets you like, and after enjoying the poems look at how they put them together. Write down what you see, and thentry the techniques in your own poems, keep experimenting, and keep writing.

No secrets and no shortcuts.

---

I'm still giving thought to your poem. I'll comment later.

[Jaylyn_D_Murray]

Thank you both!
Todd, I'm used to being told the TRUTH, so I'm pretty used to people not sugar coating things with me. And I have been just going to the library to get my poetry dose everyday!
I've read Tupac Shakur's poetry(he's actually one of my BIGGEST inspirations! And his poetry was really touching!)
I'm actually getting into Edgar A. Poe

And I wanna write poetry like his that tells a story because, when I was in 5th grade that's all I ever did!(and I liked to draw...irrelevant though)
Also, have you ever seen DefJam Poetry(on YouTube)?
I used to watch it when I was younger and didn't really get it but you should check it out!!
But thank you both for the help!

I'm gonna move many steps closer to being a better poet with you guys help!

[milo]

I wrote a poem called, "It's Powerful", and I need serious help writing works that pertain to the title.
In this poem I tried making use of symbolism and I DRASTICALLY failed. Does anyone know of anything that can help me become better at this?(I have a couple more questions!)

How do I write rhyming lines that make sense, fit together, or transition end rhymes?
Ex: The perfection of awareness makes me so conscious;
Great senses are flawless?????!(sorry, I can't mess up on purpose!)

How am I supposed to write down the lines of a poem on a page?
I write them like this sometimes:
"I wisked water aside, aside, and farther aside..."
[when the page ends I continue to write my line in the space between the brackets as if it were a sentence]

Okay, the poem!
"It's Powerful"
Lithium, Ion, Infinite Battery-Powered, Sorcery-Proof thing!
The power to create, ameliorate,
And ressurect dead stuff!
Yes! That thing that makes you see water in a desolate bluff!
Ow! Ow!
I think I might just put it down...
Ah! It just burned a hole in the ground!
If you're well past adolescent years,
Act wisely with it, or you'll swell people's fears!
And please,
I advise you don't talk about the samurai space monkeys fighting evil lizards for the love of the earth!
Because, even though they're not sweet..!
Mental hospitals can be made home!
But as long as you're a Picasso of creating mental images,....
The imagination is.....
Powerful!

Please don't make me feel like as much of an idiot as I already am for asking but,
How can one write more "Deep"(meaningful, "connectable", etc.) poems?

It's the only question I feel that scratches the surface of my endless FRUSTRATIONS and SETBACKS with poetry!lol

A great exercise for learning the lessons you seem to be going after (space, connection, rhythm, etc.) is to take 1 (one) image or concept and write a triolet. Do it a few times. Next thing you know, you develop a harsh awareness of space, control and rhythm in poetry. i would be more than glad to help if you need any assistance with this.

-milo

[Leanne]

There are plenty of poetry practice exercises in the forum specifically designed to help you with your writing -- I would suggest you take advantage of these as nobody can possibly answer all your questions. You are the only person who knows what you want to write, and exercises will help you decide how.

But if I have one piece of advice here and now, it's "go easy on the exclamation marks!"

[milo]

I wrote a poem called, "It's Powerful", and I need serious help writing works that pertain to the title.
In this poem I tried making use of symbolism and I DRASTICALLY failed. Does anyone know of anything that can help me become better at this?(I have a couple more questions!)

How do I write rhyming lines that make sense, fit together, or transition end rhymes?
Ex: The perfection of awareness makes me so conscious;
Great senses are flawless?????!(sorry, I can't mess up on purpose!)

How am I supposed to write down the lines of a poem on a page?
I write them like this sometimes:
"I wisked water aside, aside, and farther aside..."
[when the page ends I continue to write my line in the space between the brackets as if it were a sentence]

Okay, the poem!
"It's Powerful"
Lithium, Ion, Infinite Battery-Powered, Sorcery-Proof thing!
The power to create, ameliorate,
And ressurect dead stuff!
Yes! That thing that makes you see water in a desolate bluff!
Ow! Ow!
I think I might just put it down...
Ah! It just burned a hole in the ground!
If you're well past adolescent years,
Act wisely with it, or you'll swell people's fears!
And please,
I advise you don't talk about the samurai space monkeys fighting evil lizards for the love of the earth!
Because, even though they're not sweet..!
Mental hospitals can be made home!
But as long as you're a Picasso of creating mental images,....
The imagination is.....
Powerful!

Please don't make me feel like as much of an idiot as I already am for asking but,
How can one write more "Deep"(meaningful, "connectable", etc.) poems?

It's the only question I feel that scratches the surface of my endless FRUSTRATIONS and SETBACKS with poetry!lol

A great exercise for learning the lessons you seem to be going after (space, connection, rhythm, etc.) is to take 1 (one) image or concept and write a triolet. Do it a few times. Next thing you know, you develop a harsh awareness of space, control and rhythm in poetry. i would be more than glad to help if you need any assistance with this.

-milo

ok, for example, take any line in the poem you just wrote and turn it into a triolet like such

A hospital can be made home

A hospital can be made home
so long as you don't mind the blouse.
If you're the type that likes to roam
a hospital can be made. Home
is just a place you lay your comb,
at least this one is free from louse.
A hospital can be made home
so long as you don't mind the blouse.

rinse and repeat. It will force a focus on your work. Hope this helps.

-milo