03-20-2013, 04:58 AM
I see you've met my brother 
Poor bloke, he's just got one dreadlock?
There is a lot to like in this poem but some of the words could easily go. For example, I like "indeterminate age, I think" -- the line is quite ironic -- but it doesn't need to be repeated. L2 would work better with just the jeans phrase. Similarly, in the last stanza, instead of "you aren't so different, I'm not so different", you could easily just say "not you, not me".
I do like mapping people via their shirts, though I'm having difficulty with working out what a "colourblock" is. It may be my fashion ignorance, or it may be that they're called something different here.
Poor bloke, he's just got one dreadlock?
There is a lot to like in this poem but some of the words could easily go. For example, I like "indeterminate age, I think" -- the line is quite ironic -- but it doesn't need to be repeated. L2 would work better with just the jeans phrase. Similarly, in the last stanza, instead of "you aren't so different, I'm not so different", you could easily just say "not you, not me".
I do like mapping people via their shirts, though I'm having difficulty with working out what a "colourblock" is. It may be my fashion ignorance, or it may be that they're called something different here.
It could be worse