Sadness is not my name

[Todd]

Hi Me (in an unofficial capacity):

To your poem:

[Image: http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-...arroyo.jpg]

Sadness is not my name

Sadness is not my name

Yet I was born with
a similar pain ~ under
the placenta--I like how this all leads in from the title. Pain and sadness are a little vague without a corresponding image to ground them, but I don't really take issue with them.
came this nourishing
gait. Hate is the--gait while providing internal rhyme comes off a bit odd in context. My main issue with this poem though starts here with the line breaks. I am just not a fan of these breaks on the or and. The half pause of the break makes the flow choppy. I think you would be better served for instance breaking on opinion or giants. Its good phrasing. It's just not served best by your line arrangement. I would belabor the point and go down line by line for the breaks. I'd just ask you consider treating the lines like independant units and asking yourself how each thought sits alone and how each line feeds into the next. I think you could enhance the poem greatly with some very simple changes
opinion of giants and
monsters roaming and
storming my head. Why
must the sky
dawdle when we all
need to need. Bent--The why must the sky dawdle line is really good. You need a question mark after need.
over and handcuffed

The lime and the
scum rubbing off the
threats, screaming and cleaving
That there is no one left. Escape
is the fate of scientists--I actually think you could keep the lime and scum and threats and the cool escape line and mostly cut the rest. I think what works in this poem are these linking statments: Hate is... Escape is... They are the meat of the piece for me.

Muddling and melding
My mind to yours
In words ~ alas,
Here

I enjoyed the read. I hope the comments help.

Best,

Todd