03-19-2013, 11:36 PM
Emptiness
Emptiness owns more than one breed,
shifting forms, even into anger and rage.
Mine sleeps inside of me,
a comforting friend.
A murderous parasite.
A deadly lover.
<- I really like these three lines, maybe remove the "a" though from each line. The vision gives life to the feeling of emptiness, and I can sense its form.
It lures me with promises of acceptance.
Of love.
Of beauty.
I run to it, hope flowing from me like blood,
only to find that its name rang true.
All it ever was, is emptiness.
It is all I ever was.
<-maybe remove the is from before emptiness, but I love the marriage like visual. Great job.. I like the sense of form to the poem.. keep it up..[/color]
I am empty.
[/quote]
Emptiness owns more than one breed,
shifting forms, even into anger and rage.
Mine sleeps inside of me,
a comforting friend.
A murderous parasite.
A deadly lover.
<- I really like these three lines, maybe remove the "a" though from each line. The vision gives life to the feeling of emptiness, and I can sense its form.
It lures me with promises of acceptance.
Of love.
Of beauty.
I run to it, hope flowing from me like blood,
only to find that its name rang true.
All it ever was, is emptiness.
It is all I ever was.
<-maybe remove the is from before emptiness, but I love the marriage like visual. Great job.. I like the sense of form to the poem.. keep it up..[/color]
I am empty.
[/quote]
...(s)he has trouble acting normal when she's nervous
Poetry in motion, played out in the mind of madness
Poetry in motion, played out in the mind of madness