Turbulence

[tectak]

To all comments thank you for taking the time, I clearly need to do some work, and that I will do, however by way of offering some clarity before I work on the edit.
S1 he is flying sat in an old plane
S2 a bomb got caught on a mission it is still half in place he is on his way back (so over fields and farms) if he hits turbulence it could go off. He is stuffed really as he can’t land.
S3 his thoughts drift on the clouds, back to seeing his family and child (capital H was a mistake) he is terrified of dying and losing it a little.
S4 he hits a bad patch of turbulence, his thoughts return to his family as he thinks he's about to die, he doesn't the bomb breaks loose and in S5 it lands by accident on a farm house.

Edit time I think cheers TOMH

Hi again TOMH,
Just a word. When poetry is leaning towards story telling, it often helps to do what you did in you response to the crits. List out, not YOUR thoughts, but the key points of the story. The problem with thinking is you do it in your head...your brain is designed to fill in the gaps that lie between YOUR thoughts...but in these interstisces is where the reader lives, so all we get is the gaps!
This is a great concept with a whole load of possibilities. Do not ditch it or bail out.
Don't tell todd, but he is getting to be really good at this conversion of concept into communication. Read some of his stuff.
Best,
tectak