03-19-2013, 03:47 PM
Haha. With that many infractions, your title ought to be: "And rightfully so!" 
Pretty good.
Transition from S2 to S3 has the word 'tone' repeated so close together that it detracts from the read. It seems safe to change S3 L1.
The last stanza is direct speech from the blue man, who was described only once a ways further up, and I had kind of forgot he was the one speaking (not actually forgot, but he wasn't really 'present'). Maybe inject some relish in his manor, as he pronounces doom over yet another drunk and reckless poet.
Just my thoughts. Fun read.
Mikey.
Pretty good.
Transition from S2 to S3 has the word 'tone' repeated so close together that it detracts from the read. It seems safe to change S3 L1.
The last stanza is direct speech from the blue man, who was described only once a ways further up, and I had kind of forgot he was the one speaking (not actually forgot, but he wasn't really 'present'). Maybe inject some relish in his manor, as he pronounces doom over yet another drunk and reckless poet.
Just my thoughts. Fun read.
Mikey.