03-18-2013, 11:25 PM
I tend to gravitate to the tortured poet, this being no exception. The first stanza resonates with me well and has easy identification for the reader. I agree with softlyfalling about line 5. The suggestion seems appropriate. "Deadly lover" leaves a very good ominous tone. The next stanza seems to loose its rhythm for me. Maybe leaving out the "of" before love and beauty, although, I do like the presence of this line. Then "rang true" loses me a bit. The line seems out of place. The ending has some powerful thoughts running through it. Just needs a little sorting out for me. The last line could be dropped. I like the style and power of your ideas. This is my first critique and apologize for any faux pas or breech of protocol here. Thank you for posting your work. I enjoyed the read.