Moon-Woman Cuts the Circle

[milo]

Heat ripples the night, and the moon
is blown from her lips in blue smoke,
in the shed blood of dreams, and a crone's memory
of forgotten days of beauty spent
gazing upon still water.

Seems too many prepositions for such a short piece, gives it a weak, passive feel.

is blown = blown
in blue smoke = blue smoke
in the shed (someone mentioned the unintentional double meaning already (imagine enjambing this line?))
of dreams
of forgotten days
of beauty spent
upon still water

do we need the BIG POETIC abstractions dreams AND beauty here?
why not just suggest them with your imagery rather than literally evoke them in a media where they immediatley bring a cringe from your readers?

Heat ripples the night. The moon
is blue smoke blown from her lips,
etc . .

"shed blood of dreams" is one of those oh-so-poetic creations that reads great the first time we write it but always reads irredeemably naff when we run across it in our gothic teen daughter's poetry book.

Thanks for sharing.