03-15-2013, 01:19 AM
Todd posted:
Heat ripples the night, and the moon
is blown from her lips in blue smoke,
in the shed blood of dreams, and a crone's memory
of forgotten days of beauty spent
gazing upon still water.
Tom wrote:
"Heat ripples the night.
The moon is blown from her lips
in blue smoke.
In the spilt blood of dreams,
a crone remembers
forgotten days of beauty,
spent gazing upon still water."
Hi Todd and Tom. I have read Todd's first or additional exhibition of his ekphrastic poem in Leanne's practising thread and in combination with the painting I could "make more sense" of Todd's surrealistic phrasings. It is neccessarily an individual take on Pollock's painting. Nothing wrong with that. There is some "hinting" done by Pollock because of the title he chose for his painting. I saw the moon woman (on the right hand side of the painting) crossing and thereby cutting the circle of the light the moon sheds. To me it looked more like an escape from her memories because they are blue ones.
I like Todd's metaphors of the night-rippling heat (I'd like to see this extended,) and the moon being blown out as blue smoke. (Oymoronic as Brandon wrote: Yes! It seems to have been Pollock's intention (see above: surrealistic)).
And here comes the surprise: I agree with Tom on "shed".
Quote: Things go "in the shed". It is jolting to have to suddenly accept that shed is verby not nouny! I would change it...you may not. Unquote.
I like Tom's suggestions (as suggestions, not solutions) quoted above,except for one or two of his poem's line breaks.): His take on Todd's take on Pollock's painting.
I love the musicality of Todd's poem.
I find the ekphrastic approach quite inspiring.
Thank you for the read!
cheers
Serge
Heat ripples the night, and the moon
is blown from her lips in blue smoke,
in the shed blood of dreams, and a crone's memory
of forgotten days of beauty spent
gazing upon still water.
Tom wrote:
"Heat ripples the night.
The moon is blown from her lips
in blue smoke.
In the spilt blood of dreams,
a crone remembers
forgotten days of beauty,
spent gazing upon still water."
Hi Todd and Tom. I have read Todd's first or additional exhibition of his ekphrastic poem in Leanne's practising thread and in combination with the painting I could "make more sense" of Todd's surrealistic phrasings. It is neccessarily an individual take on Pollock's painting. Nothing wrong with that. There is some "hinting" done by Pollock because of the title he chose for his painting. I saw the moon woman (on the right hand side of the painting) crossing and thereby cutting the circle of the light the moon sheds. To me it looked more like an escape from her memories because they are blue ones.
I like Todd's metaphors of the night-rippling heat (I'd like to see this extended,) and the moon being blown out as blue smoke. (Oymoronic as Brandon wrote: Yes! It seems to have been Pollock's intention (see above: surrealistic)).
And here comes the surprise: I agree with Tom on "shed".
Quote: Things go "in the shed". It is jolting to have to suddenly accept that shed is verby not nouny! I would change it...you may not. Unquote.
I like Tom's suggestions (as suggestions, not solutions) quoted above,except for one or two of his poem's line breaks.): His take on Todd's take on Pollock's painting.
I love the musicality of Todd's poem.
I find the ekphrastic approach quite inspiring.
Thank you for the read!
cheers
Serge