A Full Day Sonnet: Edits #1 and #2

[tectak]

Thank you tectak for all of your feedback! I'm aware that theme is a little cliche, but after all, this only the second poem I've ever written and I wasn't sure how to go about writing it. So, I just started writing without a specific topic in mind and this is what developed. I had not heard of a sonnet before two weeks ago, so meter and the rhyming scheme are still completely new to me, so I appreciate all of your comments that you made on them. I will take them into consideration should I ever make a third edit. Figuring out how to change lines and still let it fit well with the stanza without changing the entire stanza, is still something I'm trying to get better at. Is there any easy way to go about it? Should I consider changing the entire stanzas instead of just lines? When making my edits, I was mostly concerned with just correcting the meter. Because in the original, after I've actually read some actual sonnets, I realized that my meter was pretty off in a lot of places haha. So, I wanted to at least have a final piece that could be considered an actual sonnet. Anyways, I appreciate the reply. Thank you

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Thank you tectak for all of your feedback! I'm aware that theme is a little cliche, but after all, this only the second poem I've ever written and I wasn't sure how to go about writing it. So, I just started writing without a specific topic in mind and this is what developed. I had not heard of a sonnet before two weeks ago, so meter and the rhyming scheme are still completely new to me, so I appreciate all of your comments that you made on them. I will take them into consideration should I ever make a third edit. Figuring out how to change lines and still let it fit well with the stanza without changing the entire stanza, is still something I'm trying to get better at. Is there any easy way to go about it? Should I consider changing the entire stanzas instead of just lines? When making my edits, I was mostly concerned with just correcting the meter. Because in the original, after I've actually read some actual sonnets, I realized that my meter was pretty off in a lot of places haha. So, I wanted to at least have a final piece that could be considered an actual sonnet. Anyways, I appreciate the reply. Thank you

Hi Seth,
It is to your credit and to your benefit that you have made a start. Could I politely urge you to post in mild or novice where you will get all the help you need to really get to grips with your poetry. This is the serious crit forum which does NOT mean that you should not post here....quite the contrary as you seem to take crit as it is intended...but if you are asking for such basic help you may get demoralised if you hang around here until death prevailsOh...and read LOTS MORE POETRY!
Best,
tectak