03-13-2013, 12:18 PM
I really enjoy the ending that you've written. This might just be a me thing, but if you said "to see who will die first; it will be me." I guess the verb tense just makes better sense to me. And, then I would make the "it will be me" into it's own sentence, so that way you're separating the two ideas, which will inturn make both of them stronger.
This is how I would've written it if what I just said was hard to follow haha.
"We held our breath to see who will die first; it will be me. And, though......"
Perhaps just changing the punctuation a bit would better help it be organized. These are just my tastes though. But, I do like the poem as a whole quite a bit. Thanks for the read
This is how I would've written it if what I just said was hard to follow haha.
"We held our breath to see who will die first; it will be me. And, though......"
Perhaps just changing the punctuation a bit would better help it be organized. These are just my tastes though. But, I do like the poem as a whole quite a bit. Thanks for the read